It is certainly the most difficult article that I ever wrote since I started to follow this path.
2 years, thousands of kilometres, hundreds of people, millions of words, billions of emotions, endless Go stones.
Over 20.000 viewers in this place.
Yes, you heard me. Who would have thought?
I am not going to start saying cliché thanks and sentences that you already heard at least one hundred times, I just want to be able to express myself as accurate as possible, for the last time.
A beginning is always hard and we sometimes realize how hard the journey is when it comes to the end.
Failing… what a scary thing to say and to admit. But what is success without failure? How would we appreciate the good days, without the bad ones? How would we know what motivation/ hardwork is, if we would not go, at least once, through unmotivation and a procrastination phase?
They all work together, are against each other and not only that. These things, as many others, would not exist, if the opposition would not exist either.
Us, Go players, we want to win, we want to do our best. But how come we do that and be our worst enemies? The strongest opponents which we can conquer are us.
Us, human beings, we want independece, respect, assumption, HAPPINESS, but why do we sabotage the decisions that we make? Why do we get to this unknown, odd path, but we continue walking to see what happens?
We call it life, hah. Whatever happens, something unexpected will be seen by us as a fun ride, since we cannot visualize the future.
We are pleased with the idea that it is not in our hands and we prefer to wait, keep going and see what comes next. Anyway we have no clue, right?
We call it flow.
Whenever there is a complicated fight on the Goban, we start with the idea that we want to read everything, all of the possible variations, but at some point we get tired, lost, impatient and it anyway is nearly impossible to read everything. So we choose what feels right, that’s when the intuition does the work, we throw a bomb on the board and we wait to see what’s going to happen.
And we wait… we call it time. We say that time fixes things.
Maybe an even worse enemy than yourself, time. They work so nicely together and they screw you up, because there is never enough time. There is never a right way to dose your time, there will be always regrets, even if you spend more time in the beginning and not as much in the middle game, you will be unsatisfied for the fact that you didn’t have enough time for the middle game and vice versa.
We have an idea, we think about it, we discuss it, we plan it, we start working on it.
We call it beginning.
If an end is called end, what does it mean?
If I will have that forever in my mind, would we still call it an end?
You’re reading a book. It is fascinating. You are scared because every second that passes leads to the end of the book. You try to take it slower, but the end is near, you count the pages, that moment is inevitable, you are just postponing the agonising feeling of getting to the edge. Whenever that moment will happen, it will still hurt.
But if the book is fascinating, will you remember it your whole life? That being said and done, is that a real end if the feeling never actually disappears?
We call it memory.
This place was the most beautiful book that I ever read, not at all because of the random words that I put in it, but because of your presence. And I wish the book was a million pages longer.
You let me be here, truly myself, create my space, and you gave me confidence in trusting sometimes my own words and theories.
You gave me credit, but you also stopped me from my absurd thinking and let me understand other minds. Probably I failed most of the time, but you did let me try.
You never asked me to do something that you wanted to do. The only thing that you asked me to do was keep being myself.
When there were breaks, short and long, you were never wondering. You just waited patiently.
For one more time, Go has brought me to extraordinary contexts. We may be a small amount of people that know what this wooden board and stones mean, but that is what makes it special.
We are all so different, but Go brings us together and on the board, the game will be always equal towards us, will always punish us in order to look ourselves in the eye, but will never forget to reward us when we absolutely deserve it.
This book got to the last pages, the last words and when the very last word is written and read, the present will slowly become past.
Now it is time for me to spread my wings and follow my next path. Korea, it was a pleasure to get to know You!
Forever and always,